Monday, September 18, 2006

Republican-to-English Dictionary

Thanks to muserwood on the Yahoo discussion board for the following definitions:

growth /n./ 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. 2. What happens to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition 1.

healthy forest /n./ No tree left behind.

honesty /n./ Lies told in simple declarative sentences (e.g., "Freedom is on the march.").

House of Representatives /n./ Exclusive club; entry fee: $1 million to $5 million (See: Senate).

insanity /n./ See: staying the course.

laziness /n./ When the poor are not working.

leisure time /n./ When the wealthy are not working.

liberal(s) /n./ Followers of the Antichrist.

No Child Left Behind /riff./. There are always jobs in the military.

ownership society /n./ 1. A civilization where 1% of the population controls 90% of the wealth. 2. A political system in which all power is in the hands of the owners.

Patriot Act /n./ 1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first. 2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us.

pro-life /adj./ Valuing human life up until birth.

Senate /n./ Exclusive club; entry fee: $10 million to $30 million.

simplify /v./ To cut the taxes of Republican donors.

staying the course /interj./slang./ Continuing to perform the same actions and expecting different results (See: insanity).

stuff happens /interj./slang./ I don't have to live in Baghdad.

voter fraud /n./ A significant minority turnout.

woman /n./ 1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child. 2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made
by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place.

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